The Holiday Sabotage Story

This time of year, I hear the message loud and clear:  “I’ll get back to being healthy after the holidays.” Of course, everyone has their own way of saying it, but basically, people just want to let go, eat what they want, and not think about it until January when they swear they will “be good” again.

But this is a script, as I call it.  Just as play writers design their scenes, with characters doing whatever they write them to do, you are your own playwright and you can rewrite the script you wrote yourself a long time ago, the one that is similar to what I explained above.  So, before, your script was to try really hard to eat well and exercise, maybe even do a cleanse in the fall.  But, uh oh, here comes Thanksgiving.  What to do?  Well, you don’t want to not enjoy yourself.  What’s worse, you don’t want to have to explain yourself to those relatives you see twice a year—the ones who DON’T try to eat well and exercise, EVER.  So, you decide to fall off the wagon for Thanksgiving, and since Christmas/Eid/Hannukah/Kwanza is next and holiday parties in between, well, why don’t you just stay off the wagon until the New Year?

But you’ve worked too hard to get to this defeated place.  You don’t need to fall off the wagon—maybe you’ll drag your feet on the ground a little bit, but then get them back in the wagon.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, not so much because of the food, but because family is around and we reflect upon the things we’re grateful for.  This is powerful to do in a large group, and it’s fun to hear how the kids’ gratitude evolves over the years.  What the heck, it’s fun to hear how the adults’ does too.  

Here is my rewritten script:  If I’m hosting, I make sure to prepare a lot of vegetables.  If I’m not, I volunteer to bring a few vegetable dishes.  I keep to the rule of 75% of my plate being vegetables (mostly green), but I allow that other 25% to be whatever it is I want on the table, whether it’s turkey and stuffing or butter-laden potatoes.  I eat it very slowly, savoring each delicious bite.  I may even put my fork down between each bite.  The benefit of Thanksgiving dinner is that it’s usually eaten earlier in the day (as we should eat all our big meals), so by the time bedtime rolls around, I’m nicely digested.  I also allow myself a small piece of pie or two that equal a small piece.  I eat it very slowly, again, savoring the flavors.   And then it’s over.  Restaurant closed.  No picking or snacking afterwards.  And as people are packing up to leave, I give away the foods that don’t serve me, which are the ones that people usually want to take, and keep the vegetables that most people would rather, sadly, leave.  Better for me! 

The next day, the holiday is over—back to my healthy ways, fondly remembering that delicious piece of pumpkin pie (and my memory is crystal clear since I took my time and savored every bite). 

If and when a holiday party comes around, I use the same strategy, though, often the food at these such occasions aren’t so great, so I don’t bother with the ones that famously look good, but taste average at best.  I just keep this awareness and stay away from the dessert table, which is the biggest culprit in putting on a pretty face, but not following through with taste.  I’d rather imagine a delicious sweet treat than blow my healthy habits on a piece of unworthy junk.  If, however, you are at a particularly unique holiday party where the food is fabulous, have it and enjoy it, without filling up.  Eat slowly and mindfully, stopping before you’re full, and remembering that the next day is a new day again.  You’re still firmly on the wagon.  And you feel great for it, mentally and physically.

I also use targets to help me through this season.  I’ve been almost completely sugar free (which means no refined sugars) for the last three weeks.  My target is Thanksgiving, when I know I’ll have a small slice of pumpkin and apple pie.  If it’s not sweets for you, maybe it’s mashed potatoes or biscuits.  So, enjoy them.  And the next day, they’re gone (that’s the trick you need to take care of), and you set your next target.  Allowing yourself the things on occasion that you like that may not always be so healthy is a strategy.  Deprivation doesn’t work.  But, little allowances do, keeping in mind that you are treating your body well so that it serves you well now and in the future.  

It’s really about the big picture.  And as much as I think we should live in the moment, when it comes to food, I can’t disagree more.  Of course, live in the moment as you are mindfully eating, but when you make your choices of what you’re going to put in your mouth, it’s necessary to think, “Will this serve me?”  “Will I feel sick tomorrow?”  “Will this put on the five pounds I tried so hard to lose last month?”  “Is it worth it?” And, looking even further into the future, keeping the cells of your body healthy so that they don’t develop disease and illness.  This awareness alone is enough to keep you on the right track.

I’m at the age where my peers’ health is starting to fade because of the bad habits they chose.  It seems everyone knows someone with cancer, diabetes (Type 2), or heart disease, if not many.  These are all lifestyle influenced diseases.  Sure, we may have been dealt the bad gene, but that doesn’t mean we have to turn it on.  It’s my goal to make sure my “bad” genes stay in the “off” position.  I’m not a believer in disease as a destiny of old age.

So, this holiday season, enjoy yourself.  See your enjoyment as single instances in the bigger picture and make sure to honor your body, only making choices that truly make you feel good.  Don’t give in to the old script.  It’s your book to write (and revise), so make it a good one.

My Quest to Health the World

The older gentleman went out of his way to move his groceries up so I had room to start loading the belt with mine. He thoughtfully put the divider up and pushed it forward to give me even more room. Then he looked at me and smiled.

“Thank you,” I said with a smile back and began loading my stuff. As I was doing this, I watched him and his wife put their groceries in bags. Plastic bags. He picked up his packaged steaks and other beef items (there were four) and placed them into the plastic bag on the metal frame. When it was full, he picked up the bag and put it inside another plastic bag. I took a quiet deep breath. “I’m sure he has no idea,” I thought. Nice guy. (I had heard him try to drum up small talk with the cashier, giving her sympathy for how busy it was at the store today.) “He has no idea what negative effects he has on his health, the environment, and the welfare of animals. He has no clue.”

I am not perfect, of course, and I have no right to judge anyone else. I am not right and he is not wrong. I am not good and he is not bad. In fact, I am no different from him. Yes, I brought my own canvas bags and bought mostly organic produce and no meat. But, I also didn’t bring enough canvas bags and so I needed to use a plastic bag. I drove to the store instead of biking and I’m sure I did many other things on my simple trip to the grocery store that some people would consider terrible, though I’m not really sure what they are.

But that’s my point. Several years ago, I had no idea that using plastic bags was harmful to the environment. I’m sure I double bagged. I didn’t even think about it. Nor did I think about buying chicken that was factory farmed and treated inhumanely. I used products harmful to the environment in my home and on my self and my babies. I’ve learned a lot since then and there has been new information brought to the public attention since then. But that doesn’t mean everyone reads it. I would venture to say that most people don’t. I do, but that’s because I have a passion for health.

When I first became “enlightened” on living a truly healthy lifestyle, I also became slightly depressed. I had gone to a conference where a holistic doctor spoke of how he cured cancers and got diabetics off their insulin. He named a number of other diseases and conditions all cured through proper diet and lifestyle changes. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. I was like a fruit perfectly ready to be picked. I came home from that conference ready to cure the world of its disease, or at least those who I cared about most.

I thought, at that time, that I had the secret weapon against all ills. I thought—here I have the answer, and when I tell people all their health problems will fade away. We will all live to ripe old age feeling fine up until the very end. They will be so happy. It will be like they hit the lottery and all of a sudden, they had no more debt.

But I was wrong. People didn’t want my secret weapon. They didn’t buy it. Or, maybe they believed it but it didn’t pertain to them, or it was just too much of a change that they’d rather depend on quick fixes, even though they never really fixed. Over and over again, I’d tell people my secret, and over and over, they’d shake their heads. I felt as though now I had this treasure that I couldn’t share, as if I won the lottery, but I could only spend it on myself and alone. That’s when the depression set in. I couldn’t change the world if it didn’t want to be changed.

I’m not one to be depressed for long. I knew I had to make a move in one direction or another. One could be to trudge on, continuing with my quest to heal the world. Another could be to isolate myself, becoming a hermit happily doing the things I believe in with no one to challenge me. Or, I could remain in the social world and get cynical and bitter, telling everyone else to suffer for being so ignorant and stubborn. I considered all of those.

For a long while, I felt very alone. I couldn’t relate to the people I once related to. I couldn’t accept that they made choices that were unhealthy. Even friends I was fond of for a long time seemed different to me. I started to avoid social situations where my new values would be challenged—barbeques, amusement parks, even children’s birthday parties. Worse, my husband wasn’t on board with my new found health choices. Our debates would turn to arguments, which would lead to more feelings of loneliness. I became a self imposed outcast.

And then I found others. I found a group of people dedicated to living healthy. I joined them and a whole new world opened up to me. That’s when I began my quest to heal the world. I’m starting small and I’m learning a lot.

I’m learning that I can be a model and set examples, but I can’t force people to change. In fact, I’m learning, the more I keep quiet and live the way I believe, the more people listen to me. I walk the talk. And if I’m quiet enough, I notice the changes. Usually they are small and with my own family, they are slow and gradual, but as I look back and remember what it used to be like, I see how much has changed for the better.

People do want to be healthy, but they want to do it on their own terms and within their own time frame. Often it means being healthy in one area, but not so much in another. I have to remember that it took me a long time to get to where I am and I wasn’t so thrilled to give up some of my comforts. I still have some. I have to accept that and not judge people. And I have to remember that my definition of being healthy is not my neighbors’ definition. In fact, within my peer group of other healthy people, we often disagree about what is good and not good. So do the “experts.” We each have our own path. I also have to keep in mind that although this path may result in a long, healthy life, that doesn’t guarantee that I am not hit by lightening or some other random tragedy. With this in mind, I try to make sure I enjoy myself and not live so strictly as to deny pleasure for the sake of a few extra months of life.

Lately, I try to avoid looking at others groceries when they load them on the belt at the supermarket. I look at the people and smile and then bide my time scanning the magazine rack until it’s my turn to check out. I feel much better this way. I do however, load my groceries quickly so that they might get a chance to see what I’m buying—maybe they’ll notice and take note subconsciously. Probably not, but it’s worth a try.